Colton and I recently read a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs for marriage counselling (Ebay and Amazon). It is probably one of the most insightful books I have ever read. I now understand the male specimen more than I ever have before and have also learned more about myself. The little things that I, as a female, do, now make sense as to why I do them. I now know that I am not the only one who thinks certain thoughts or acts in certain ways. Colton and my relationship have grown and our arguments have significantly decreased. From reading this book, I have discovered 5 main ways to Love your husband!
“I asked a group of wives to spend a bit of time thinking of some things they respected about their husbands. It took some of them quite awhile, but they all finally did it. Then I tol them to go home, wait until their husbands weren’t busy or distracted, and say: ‘I was thinking about you today and several things about you that I respect, and I just want you to know that I respect you.’ After saying this they were to not wait for any response–just mention something they needed to do and quietly start to leave the room. Then they were to see what would happen. One woman reported back to me that after telling her husband she respected him, she turned to leave but she never even made it to the door. He practically screamed, ‘Wait! Come back. What things?’ Fortunately (and this is very important), she was ready to tell him what she respected about him and she proceeded to do so. After she was finished, he said, ‘Wow! Hey, can I take the family out to dinner?’ The wife was aghast. Her husband had seldom if ever taken the family out to dinner. What was going on here? I explained to her that a man’s first and fundamental impulse is to serve, especially in response to being honored.” **”Not every wife may get the same response that this woman received…the point is, using the Respect Test means taking a step of faith.”**
1. Pray daily for him. Pray for your relationship as a couple as well as your individual lives. Pray that you can be respectful towards him and understand that he is a good-willed man.
2. Take care of yourself. Even though most men would say they will love you no matter what you look like, they still want a confident, beautiful, woman to show off. I’m not saying you can’t ever wear sweats around your husband, but maybe limit the amount of days that you do. Whenever going out, try to get dressed up. He wants to show you off and the better you look, the more this gives him the chance to brag about your looks.
3. Respect his likes and dislikes. Don’t put down his interest in video games, sports, etc. You don’t have to necessarily like those things but don’t make him feel bad about liking them. I’ve learned from personal experience that my man is thrilled when I offer to play video games with him because he knows that I don’t enjoy them. I do it to show him that I respect the things that he enjoys and to spend some quality time with him.As well as respecting his likes/dislikes, us as wives, should also respect and be attentive to what our husband is sharing with us, even if we are not interested in the subject matter.
4. Respect his need for sex. We’ve all heard that men are visual beings and women are emotional. This is completely true pertaining to sex. Just as women need to intimacy to experience emotional release, men need to sex to experience sexual release. A surefire way to respect your husband is to give him the sex that he needs even if you are not “in the mood.”
5. Respect his intentions and don’t assume. I highly doubt any of us would marry a man that we thought was out to purposefully cause us hurt. The majority of men are good-willed individuals and intend to make us women happy. Before getting mad that your husband didn’t remember your anniversary or forgot to pick up the kids after school, remember that you married a good-willed man and he wouldn’t intentionally forget these things. It was an honest mistake and he is not doing them to cause you hurt.
If there’s one thing I want every wife to remember it is this: The best way to show your husband that you love him is by giving him respect!